bumpsarebad | It’s the colors you have, no need to be sad, it really ain’t that bad

So it’s December! I thought I would be a lot better at this blogging – but apparently I need to improve at my ‘keeping peeps up to speed’ skills. I am here to say that I am doing well, and still in good spirits. Every day isn’t easy, but really I have much to appreciate. I have had an abundance of love and care come my way. My family and friends have become closer. Old friends showed up, new friends appeared, people I thought didn’t even recognize me…recognized me, people who had memories they never shared…shared. I have so much to be grateful for. Thank you.

I always thought of myself as someone who took the time to look at the mountain tops, stop at the purples, pinks and blues of the sunset, notice the dew on the early morning grass, took the long way home to breathe in the scent of the orange trees blossoming…

This experience has now slowed my life down in an inexplicable way. ‘Perspective’ is a pretty bold word in my life at the moment. And funny enough, I still feel like I do not have time for this…

I am still me, I still feel like the same ‘ol Bee that you all know, stubborn as all hell, but this…this has been a backslap to the face to get my ‘ish together. There will be change.

I am not in denial, I believe this is happening. However it is still tough to digest that ‘Bee has Cancer’ Ha!? Bee…does not equal cancer. It is so surreal, and yet so real…Now even after treatment number 1, cutting my hair, watching my hair fall out into my fingers, shaving my head, and now treatment number 2…it’s happening however still I am in awe.

Many times I have started out describing myself as a ‘contradiction’. For those of you, who know me well, will understand that portrayal. This is definitely another contradiction, a paradox, an oxymoron, a glitch in the matrix, and weirdly enough I am ok with it. This is how it is supposed to be.

It will get worse before it gets better, but I promise you I will be ok. I promise myself that.

Love, Bee

“So I pull the switch, the switch, the switch inside my head.
And I see black, black, green,
and brown, brown, brown and blue, yellow, violets, red.
And suddenly a light appears inside my brain
And I think of my ways,
I think of my days
and know that I have changed”

Some new pics….